I’ve been a mother for only 92 days, and I have so much more to experience. Nonetheless, it’s remarkable how much I have gained in so little time. Here are four takeaways to inspire or validate your journey, whether or not you wear the “mom” hat. My hope is that each lesson applies to any individual.
Your hands will always be full — just fill them with the right things.
Speaking to the juggle, which I have embraced will never, ever reach a steady balance: I’ve confirmed as a new mother that my hands and my life will always be full and feel unsteady. However, I have recognized that, if I fill them with the right things—be it a marriage, a child, a career, two dogs, a home renovation, family, friendships, and the list goes on—that fullness will feel nourishing. Some “things” may be harder to grip than others; one might find itself squished under my elbow as I carry something that is more fragile or needs more of my focus; but they all deserve to be carried and cared for. It’s a beautiful juggle.
Time is the great equalizer.
There are only so many hours in the day, as we all know, and it’s up to us (or those who rely on us) to determine how we spend them.
Time management has always been a strength of mine — it’s the reason I’m able to, on top of managing a family and home, balance a 40+ hour work week as well as run a business of my own. I’ve recognized that my key to time management over the course of my career has been compartmentalizing one task at a time.
As a new mom, I believe what has changed is not my ability to compartmentalize tasks, but rather my swiftness in the transitions between mom duties and other duties. The hands-on nature of mom-ing is a beautiful challenge, one that I’ve obviously never experienced. And whereas before March, when most (if not all) of my work was either between my brain and a keyboard, camera, list, or conversation, I now find myself feeding, bouncing, playing, bathing, rocking, diapering, cleaning, singing, soothing, strolling and happily not thinking about anything else other than Hudson. It’s a joy, especially when time is so precious after work and daycare, but it takes me to a different state—one that, compared to other areas of my life, feels timeless. And then, I look down, and somehow hours have passed.
The jury is still out on how to manage this limiting yet limitless concept called “time,” but I’m recognizing the new dimension—one that I feel so lucky to dive into every day.
You can control your mind, but you can’t always control your body.
As I shared in my C-section recovery post, I believe a majority of my recovery was attributed to attitude. During an afternoon when the Tylenol had worn off between doses, or after a night of little sleep, it was the mental challenge and cheerleader in my head that enabled me to move past the pain quickly rather than linger in it. I continue to be dumbfounded when I look back on the first two weeks of my postpartum journey and how easily a friend’s coffee delivery or family hangout session would distract me from the physical and mental toll on my body. It’s funny how confirming that my love language — “words of affirmation” — was during these first four months of motherhood. Affirmation not just from my friends and family, but also self-affirmation.
That being said, we cannot always control our health and healing, and that was hard for me to swallow. When I’d “feel” good mentally, but my body wasn’t always aligned. Or when I’d unintentionally catch a cold and pass it onto Hudson—twice now. Or when I’d stretch into the back seat to pop in Hudson’s paci and accidentally stretch my incision. Or when my skin decided it was allergic to dermabond skin glue. Or when I’d discover postpartum preeclampsia and spend two days in the hospital with a ten-day-old newborn. Or when I’d continue to have hypertension. Yes, the challenges could have been much greater, and I am so grateful for my health and, more importantly, Hudson’s health. In summary, so much is simply out of our control, and we must continue to embrace whatever faces us.
Delegation goes deeper than “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
So many friends and mentors would remind and reinforce over and over again to ask for support during the new mom era. It’s uncharted, unfamiliar territory, and a seemingly simple task can feel almost impossible to accomplish.
Generally speaking, I’ve never been a strong delegator. My work ethic has always pushed me to do the job myself, both to the best of my ability and thoroughly. When both my and Alex’s families essentially moved in during Hudson’s first few weeks, tasks like pouring coffee, measuring bottles, loading the dishwasher, or folding Hudson’s burp cloths were easy to identify and ask for. Our childcare route felt direct enough to identify and delegate on the front end—and we are so, so glad we chose the night nurse and daycare paths! Wherein lies the challenge have been the more vague responsibilities that are harder to recognize and pass onto another person.
First of all, people can’t read your mind (ha!). This is obvious, but it’s an important reminder. Alex is a pro at recognizing my emotional state before I have to state it aloud, but it’s unfair to assume that he or anyone else around me can grasp what I might need verbatim at the time.
Of all people, I laugh at my inability as a food blogger to articulate a grocery list for my assistant to grab. I now realize that it’s because of how much my creative process relies on walking the grocery store departments myself, gaining inspiration from the in-stock produce and branded labels on the shelves.
That being said, I’ve found the best approach (at this point) is for Alex, my assistant, my mom (lifesaver), coworkers, etc. to simply ask, “How can I help you today? Is there anything you need me to do?” It most often always is met with an, “Oooh actually! Yes! Can you please [fill in the blank].” Had I not been prompted, I probably would have started my day with a pile-up of needs that I don’t recognize independently on the front end.
Delegation is not always black and white. There’s an art to the what and the how. I’m still working on it!
What are you learning? What else have you learned?