I started writing this end-of-month reflection on Friday night (February 28), hence the final night of a full, fast, frenzy of the month. We had just put the kids down, and I had settled on the couch into pajamas after a much-needed hot shower (why are those so hard to come by these days?). But then, I fell asleep very early. Sleep is the key ingredient for my functionality, so I’m happy I listened to my body and I’m grateful for a rare night that neither Hudson nor Ava stirred, either.
I wrote down “four lessons I learned in February” as the title of this note. After a deep dive on two of them, I’ve realized they each deserve their own space. And four lessons last month will soon become five or six that I’m simmering in.
So, here’s the first of (hopefully) many anecdotes when I find the time.
Whether you’re a mom or not, my hope is that they resonate.
February was met with more unexpected speed bumps for many of us, from sickness to snow days. I would find myself so relieved for a “return to routine” after an “interruption” from “normalcy,” only for it to be stopped again thanks to a school holiday. A friend at school pick-up and another friend on Instagram story both exclaimed there hadn’t been one week since Thanksgiving without a kid home from school for one reason or another. Let that (and your daycare dollars) sink in, ha!
Though, considering the realities of the interruptions, it dawned on me that it’s my own definitions setting me back. I had always envisioned a “normal” day as one where I wake up at 5:30, dress up, put their bento boxes in backpacks, drop them off at school, and head downtown to work. If those steps couldn’t or didn’t happen, it’d be an instant mental “wasted day” category. Not wasted from quality family time—obviously—but wasted from feeling I had a grasp on the many jobs and hats I wear in this world. Staying in sweats literally lowered my alertness; being with the kids all day made me feel I was falling short everywhere else.
There are fewer and fewer “normal” days than not, so why I am I choosing to set those terrible expectations for myself? I’ve departed from the term, and it’s been immensely freeing. Every single day is a new one — a full one — and it varies in terms of place, priority, and external pressure. But if I can wake up each day embracing that I can be my best self today, no matter the circumstances put in our place, I win. My to-do list gets done in a nontraditional way or hour, and that’s okay.
I read a confirming statement recently on the topic of “balance.” I don’t believe balance exists and am happy to share more about my loathing of the phrase “work-life balance” another time. But, I loved this: “Life isn’t about achieving balance, it’s about knowing when to lean in and when to let go.”
Waking up each day with that mentality instead of “ah, guess I can’t do this today,” is a game changer. I am just getting started, but try it with me.
To be continued.
